Running With Scissors

Last week I made a promise. I promised a few pictures, and I promised a documented steeking exploration. Those things are coming.

But… if I may… before we bring out the scissors, squeal for a moment. Because:

CASTLE’S BACK! I just finished watching the first episode of the new season, and I. LOVED. EVERY. MOMENT. Stana and Nathan have such a brilliant chemistry off each other. They are just charming to watch. The writers deserve a whole lot of praise, money, and maybe even slaves, because they handle that chemistry so well in the script. After I write this post, I think I’m going to go watch it again. I am so giddy to have Castle back on the air, it’s almost… no it -is-… incredibly pathetic. But I can’t help it. I am content for at least another 24 hours, until I start demanding next week’s episode.

Let me take a moment to get myself back together after I’ve gushed adoration all over the room.

Okay. I think I’m ready.

First things first: Before Steeking. Everything is still whole. The tools of destruction – I mean “of the trade” – are laid out with surgical precision… right in my way. Anyway. I pick up my crochet hook. It’s made of bone. I thought the primitiveness was fitting when I selected it. I take my scrap yarn, and start crocheting my center stitches as instructed.

Then I rip it out and pick a smaller crochet hook. This one is steel. A bit more sophisticated. It also creates smaller stitches that don’t look like an orangutan and a squirrel tried to crochet in a cooperative effort. I tell myself that I’ve crocheted before and it’s not that big of a deal, but when I get to somewhere around 10 stitches sliding up the shaft of my hook, I realize I’m doing it wrong. So I rip it out, look at the instructions again. “Oh, duh.”

Attempt 3 actually works. I also remember why I stopped crocheting. It’s a lot of motion for one stitch. … And before you crocheters out there say “but you have to THROW to knit!” I’m a continental knitter. I pick. And now I get to say one of my absolute favorite phrases ever: It’s an economy of motion.

I got through one half of crocheting one steek! I know, I know. haven’t done anything yet. You want to see some scissor action don’t you? You’re a sick, sick bastard.

I start crocheting the second side, and about 20 stitches in start wondering if my crochet hook is small enough. I ponder ripping it out again. I look at the instructions. Eunny wants a 3mm hook. My hook is older than I am. It doesn’t have millimeters on it. My bone one doesn’t have anything written on it at all. I shrug, pick up my vest from the floor, cause it slid off the table, and fish the crochet hook out from under my chair, and keep going.

Are you ready for this? I’ll wait a moment if you need to get yourself together. I read my instructions again, making sure there’s nothing left before cutting. NOW she tells me to work in a contrasting color! Oh well. Bright light: check. She specifies small sharp scissors. Well, damn. My purple ones are a bit unwieldy. I grab my Gingher embroidery scissors I use to cut mats from my cat’s fur. Oi! Shh. You try to brush her and see if you don’t resort to scissors.

So glad I switched to the Gingher’s. Ladies and gentlemen, we have an armhole.

Now I’ve just got to not lose that crochet hook before I crochet and cut the other three steeks. What’s that you say? I should have done all my crocheting and then done the cutting last? Shush. By the by, have I told you I’ve done this steeking business before? Yeah, I wouldn’t have believed it either.